Self

I often think about the relationships I don't have.

Is that weird?
I don't think about the ones I have, I think about what I had or what I saw. It makes for a pretty depressing self-realization.

Tonight I was lying in bed, thinking about how I was lucky to not need to listen to music to fall asleep (normally) -this stems from the rain and a horrible positioning of a balcony above my bedroom window which drips water in an annoying fashion. I was thinking about how I used to have a friend who needed to listen to audio books to sleep and I wondered when we lost our friendship. We used to be best friends. The best of best friends. And I can't pinpoint when it all changed. I can say however, that I haven't talked to her in 4 or 5 years, even though we went to the same college.

I wonder how we lost touch so easily, and then I think about my personal responses. I remember that I am normally an introverted person that likes to take vacations from everyone (like this past Saturday). I remind myself that I probably could have stayed friends with her if I had tried harder. If I hadn't thought either of us was out of the other's league, and if I had realized that we are all the same people just trying to live.

But that's a hard realization to come to terms with. I don't know why yet. It just is.