So I've had a bad couple of days.
REALLY bad, couple of days.
I need to re-list the good things in my life.
I've lost my way. So, hopefully this will help.
-Achievements-
1. finished a knit hat (with color changing and trellis cables)
2. saw a Vegas show
3. started Perl programming
4. started work today
5. cleaned the kitten's mess (80%)
6. read through 50% of linguistic book
7. rearranged a few chairs in my house
8. saw Mamma Mia
9. got the door-dusters together
10. started the upholstery project
-Left to Achieve-
1. clean room another 20%
2. finish upholstery 50%
3. 5 successful Perl programs
4. finish door-duster for bathroom door
5. knit purple hat
6. read the rest of the ling book
7. place the last chair in my room (dependent on #1)
8. crochet 5 hats
9. read hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy
10. put up curtains to keep out the cold.
I'm going to leave my lists at 10 items each. I like to mention small achievements, whether I've completed a project 100% or not, I've accomplished something. Also, I figure... if an item is on the lists more than 3 times, well, that means I don't want to complete it.
Hopefully my next list will show that I've achieved all 10 items and I'll have new items to list as "Left to Achieve".
Relapse
Whew! What a break I took!
Actually, I just completely forgot I had this blog. I've got a few hidden around the nets, so I forget about them once in a while. This one was a good one, just reading back on the few posts of my main page reminded me of my wonderful life. I should be more appreciative.
To catch you up a bit, I am doing the NaNoWriMo challenge. I'm excited. I'm also already behind. But I plan on going to the Regional Write-in this Saturday and hope my writing skills will be on point that day, so I might catch up on any missing word count totals.
Just in the past hour alone I've written 1,000 words. I've also come up with a sketched out idea and a main plot point. (feel good heartstrings being pulled and all). I've created my main character's attributes and named her. I've also created a bad boy and the main guy, although I don't have names or full attributes for them yet. I didn't want to lead my story with an over-encompassing idea, so I left out what sort of main sci-fi points I should hit. One thing I knew I wanted was a new language. Awesome! And I also wanted it to be a culture clash sci-fi. But beyond those ideas, I've got nothing.
Best to leave it at that.
Cool to find out that Kamihamasen in Japanese means "Nevermind", which when looked up in the jisho.org dictionary- I found the Godan verb "kamu"meaning 'to blow one's nose' and also "kamuru" meaning 'to bear someone's faults' which pretty much sums up my feelings when I say "nevermind" to someone.
Actually, I just completely forgot I had this blog. I've got a few hidden around the nets, so I forget about them once in a while. This one was a good one, just reading back on the few posts of my main page reminded me of my wonderful life. I should be more appreciative.
To catch you up a bit, I am doing the NaNoWriMo challenge. I'm excited. I'm also already behind. But I plan on going to the Regional Write-in this Saturday and hope my writing skills will be on point that day, so I might catch up on any missing word count totals.
Just in the past hour alone I've written 1,000 words. I've also come up with a sketched out idea and a main plot point. (feel good heartstrings being pulled and all). I've created my main character's attributes and named her. I've also created a bad boy and the main guy, although I don't have names or full attributes for them yet. I didn't want to lead my story with an over-encompassing idea, so I left out what sort of main sci-fi points I should hit. One thing I knew I wanted was a new language. Awesome! And I also wanted it to be a culture clash sci-fi. But beyond those ideas, I've got nothing.
Best to leave it at that.
Cool to find out that Kamihamasen in Japanese means "Nevermind", which when looked up in the jisho.org dictionary- I found the Godan verb "kamu"meaning 'to blow one's nose' and also "kamuru" meaning 'to bear someone's faults' which pretty much sums up my feelings when I say "nevermind" to someone.
Sense
I've started reading a book a week. If I don't finish the book then oh well, but the point is to get to reading more. And so, I read. And to begin with I'm reading sense and sensibility by Jane Austen. One book I haven't read before, and one book I am particularly loathe to read. The plot, the characters, the dialogue, it's all very hard to read. And very hard to like. Ah well, you can't always have perfection.
You've got the mojo for that
After a crazy week at work and even crazier after work schedule I had one of the best dates I've ever had. A surprise location was the only agenda item I really got, with a hint of "footwork" involved in the planning. So I knew I would need to dress nicely and yet comfortable. I got a beautiful, balanced, aromatic bouquet of flowers on monday which was a sweet and thoughtful start to my week. I'm not sure anyone has ever spent this much time thinking about me, or at least spent that much time doing it, and then acting on it in a smart and thoughtful way. I'm continually amazed at the level of maturity this Libra has to offer and how maturity does not mean serious or strict. I've finally found someone who is spontaneous and optimistic like myself! Someone who likes having people around but doesn't need the attention, only needs the presence or idea.
His thoughts are well formed and he isn't afraid to geek out on a topic that inspires him. He doesn't wait to have fun with his knowledge. He enjoys life in the now. He is direct and thoughtful. Even in the smallest kiss or the slightest touch.
I might feel a bit inadequate when I think of all his high marks, but only because he exudes where I want to be, but as it is, I am still an impulsive, must have now and think of the future, excitement junkie. I say things without putting much formed thought behind the words and I feel things that I don't quite understand. The only thing I have going for me is that I know what I want (to a degree) and I know how to get what I want.
I am interested in seeing where this dual air sign relationship can take me. I've never done it before, and I'm intrigued by the class of the individual and the caliber of the interactions. Really what I mean to say is that he blows my mind. I never thought a guy could be like him. He is far from what I think is perfect, but who wants mr. Perfect? I have mr. Damn Close to Perfect and I'm already feeling inadequate and worrisome. I need to get my feelings about myself in check before let them rule me.
So the surprise date was a funny play where we could cuddle up on stage (me in my dress, and him in his trendy shirt and tie), and a picnic for two in the park after dark. The weather was perfect and the planning was crazy good. He illicited the help of my friends (who gave nothing away, not even that they knew we were going on a date together!) and we had wine and sushi and fruit all outside overlooking the city buildings (highest point in the city I suppose). It was crazy thoughtful and extremely romantic. He really cares and enjoys doting (as well as being doted on). He's smart enough to know where to go for help (friends) and he's not afraid to ask them and let them know what he's up to. No games, no secrets, but loads of frills and fanciness. Thoughtfulness. Care. Class. Courage. Playfulness. Delight.
He has an awesome personality and a gorgeous mind. He cares enough to dress himself well and has enough class to know when to dress up. He has the courage to make things happen and the delightful acceptance of the way things turn out.
What a guy.
His thoughts are well formed and he isn't afraid to geek out on a topic that inspires him. He doesn't wait to have fun with his knowledge. He enjoys life in the now. He is direct and thoughtful. Even in the smallest kiss or the slightest touch.
I might feel a bit inadequate when I think of all his high marks, but only because he exudes where I want to be, but as it is, I am still an impulsive, must have now and think of the future, excitement junkie. I say things without putting much formed thought behind the words and I feel things that I don't quite understand. The only thing I have going for me is that I know what I want (to a degree) and I know how to get what I want.
I am interested in seeing where this dual air sign relationship can take me. I've never done it before, and I'm intrigued by the class of the individual and the caliber of the interactions. Really what I mean to say is that he blows my mind. I never thought a guy could be like him. He is far from what I think is perfect, but who wants mr. Perfect? I have mr. Damn Close to Perfect and I'm already feeling inadequate and worrisome. I need to get my feelings about myself in check before let them rule me.
So the surprise date was a funny play where we could cuddle up on stage (me in my dress, and him in his trendy shirt and tie), and a picnic for two in the park after dark. The weather was perfect and the planning was crazy good. He illicited the help of my friends (who gave nothing away, not even that they knew we were going on a date together!) and we had wine and sushi and fruit all outside overlooking the city buildings (highest point in the city I suppose). It was crazy thoughtful and extremely romantic. He really cares and enjoys doting (as well as being doted on). He's smart enough to know where to go for help (friends) and he's not afraid to ask them and let them know what he's up to. No games, no secrets, but loads of frills and fanciness. Thoughtfulness. Care. Class. Courage. Playfulness. Delight.
He has an awesome personality and a gorgeous mind. He cares enough to dress himself well and has enough class to know when to dress up. He has the courage to make things happen and the delightful acceptance of the way things turn out.
What a guy.
Happiness
I just saw the happiest people in the world. A couple, obviously farm folk, the lady was wearing short overalls with a wife beater underneath and the man had a sleeveless shirt and jean cutoffs, with a belly like a baby. They were walking hand-in-hand on the boardwalk. Grinning about their new found interest in beach culture. I like to think it was their first time anywhere outside their farm town. The man told his wife, I'm going to treat you this week. Come along Braidley, bring your best bibs and prepare to be amazed.
It was only a moment in time.
Over
It's Over.
Too Overwhelming.
Way Overdue.
Time for an Overhaul.
I can't stay friends with people I don't respect or care to share my life with. If I can't trust them, then what kind of friends are they? I'm done with boys that are close in my life, but aren't committed. I can't keep that kind of casual relationship going if I find out you'd prefer my friend, if only she weren't madly in love with someone else.
I do have an amazing intuition, and somewhere along the way I forgot to listen to it. Great. Big mistake. Waste of time. Get back to basics please. Stop getting crushed by the opposition ok?
Unquestionable
Am I alone and friendless because I don't put myself out there, or is it because I haven't found the right people yet?
A semi-friend of mine made mention that it's not enough to offer your unquestionable loyalty to someone, you must also accept their help/loyalty.
I never saw that character flaw (my having a hard time asking for help) as a piece to a bigger problem (my not having close relationships).
I'm down on myself now. When you have a sad self-realization, one you'd rather not have noticed, and you understand the cons but you'd rather keep it going... That's a bummer.
I know I want to let people in more, but I can't do that just yet. It's too hard. I don't want to show weakness. I don't want to admit to needing help/people.
Diligence
I have none.
I told myself I'd stop seeing a boy at work and yet I can't. I can however change the way I feel towards certain conversations and react to certain actions. So I've toned it down a bit in that respect, but I can't fully turn off the interest. There's a reason I was interested to begin with. Bah.
Today is blame somebody else day. So I blame the makers of high heels for putting yet another strain on my roommate situation.
I thought I had seen the last of romantic sweet gestures today. But really it was just a sneak preview to the night.
I can remember to laugh when I wake up, if I put a silly face across my bed, or simply look over to my "roommate's" half of the room. Ha!
I told myself I'd stop seeing a boy at work and yet I can't. I can however change the way I feel towards certain conversations and react to certain actions. So I've toned it down a bit in that respect, but I can't fully turn off the interest. There's a reason I was interested to begin with. Bah.
Today is blame somebody else day. So I blame the makers of high heels for putting yet another strain on my roommate situation.
I thought I had seen the last of romantic sweet gestures today. But really it was just a sneak preview to the night.
I can remember to laugh when I wake up, if I put a silly face across my bed, or simply look over to my "roommate's" half of the room. Ha!
Awemanac
Today I've got to think of:
"A woman tries to comfort me. She puts her hand under my shirt and writes the names of flowers on my back." ~Mark Strand
What does a quote like that mean? Is the woman getting frisky with him? Is it really a man writing about a woman or do we flip the genders? I'm one female that likes to get under a guy's shirt, but do others? Can I speculate that the woman is planting seeds on the man's back? Should they be literal or figurative? Can they be my favorite flowers? I like mums and snap dragons.
I've seen how to train your dragon twice now and would like to draw my own dragon. Maybe it will be shaped like a snap dragon flower, or maybe it'll be shaped like a mum.
Journal juju:
Each moment is a place I want to be
Each moment is a place being built
Each moment is a place full of music
Each moment is a place within a place
Each moment is a place with a name
Each moment is a place where everybody knows your name
Each moment is a place worth getting to know
Each moment is a place or state of mind
Each moment is a place I want to be present
Each moment is a place I'm not at
"A woman tries to comfort me. She puts her hand under my shirt and writes the names of flowers on my back." ~Mark Strand
What does a quote like that mean? Is the woman getting frisky with him? Is it really a man writing about a woman or do we flip the genders? I'm one female that likes to get under a guy's shirt, but do others? Can I speculate that the woman is planting seeds on the man's back? Should they be literal or figurative? Can they be my favorite flowers? I like mums and snap dragons.
I've seen how to train your dragon twice now and would like to draw my own dragon. Maybe it will be shaped like a snap dragon flower, or maybe it'll be shaped like a mum.
Journal juju:
Each moment is a place I want to be
Each moment is a place being built
Each moment is a place full of music
Each moment is a place within a place
Each moment is a place with a name
Each moment is a place where everybody knows your name
Each moment is a place worth getting to know
Each moment is a place or state of mind
Each moment is a place I want to be present
Each moment is a place I'm not at
Astroslam
Oh astroslam, you always know...
"Your dating model of 'fish with light tackle, catch and release' has served you well thus far, but lately you seem to be catching the same fish over and over. Try fishing in a pond where all the fish don't work at your office."
Inaction
"It may be that the universe is telling you to do nothing -- to just accept the events without judgment. For now, that'll have to do."
Old
Hilarious, and probably a foreshadowing to my life.
"While you've always imagined you'd grow old with someone else, the lines on your face and the extra space in your bed prove that you were only half right. It's never too late for further disappointment."
Worry
I'm worried I'll never be able to excape the romance pitfall. The one in which females start planning the wedding and the rest of their lives with a guy just moments after meeting them.
I know I don't want to do it, but I always do. My daydreams reluctantly fall to "we would live well together because of x and y." or "I would like him to make me dinner every night, forever."
What a bunch of crap. Even when I'm done with love and do not want a relationship; I'm still thinking of this shit.
Questions
Your philosophical approach to life:
What fundamental approaches to life have worked for you, and what haven't?
You may have never stopped to ask that question, or known the benefits of finding the right answer to it. This year, those answers will come, and your life is likely to be a saner, better-adjusted place for it.
Association:
Fundamental approach to life
Happiness
Logic
Me first
"I know"
I can handle my own
I don't need anyone
I can take carevof myself
I am not weak
What is Love?
I can't wait for the future
It'll all *get* better
I want the familiar
I want to see it all
Travel
I've come to the conclusion that my fear of moving to a warmer climate (where I would thrive) is because I am afraid of losing the support group I have here currently. I am afraid that if I move away, they will live on without me. And I do not want to lose them.
Convinced
I am now convinced that we should live everyday like we are sick. The reasoning behind this revelation is that while we are sick we think only of ourselves. We are not worried about others' intentions or desires we only care about our health and our needs. The beauty of it is that we do not assume anything or expect anything so we are at peace with our lives. We enjoy resting and getting to know our inner wants/desires.
Ah, the glory of being sick.
Ah, the glory of being sick.
Enjoyment
I rather enjoy my life right now. Earlier I was a 180 from this feeling, but now I'm glad to have done what I wanted and enjoyed my time doing it. Jealousy and anger aside, I have no need for such wasteful emotions. Shoo shoo.
Humbling
I've been watching romance movies tonight. They always make love seem so humbling. Throwing yourself out there when the chances of reciprocation are only as high as 50% and that's if they are 1)single 2)playing for your sex and 3)within your mental age range. So given that small amount to choose from, what is left in the 50% still has to be interesting to you, turn you on, be capable on their own, and a slew of other personal criteria we hold against people.
Love doesn't seem possible in this case. Besides the impossibilities, I often wonder what the point is. Most relationships end in divorce/breaks, and for good reasons. I cannot seriously say to myself, I will find someone that takes my breath away now and forever. It doesn't make sense. There will always be someone better than who I have. The grass is always greener concept. After a while, people just start to change. Time changes things. If it didn't, then life would be boring. But do we choose boring, or heartbreak? While change may lead to heartbreak, I think it is a noble thing to realize when one doesn't love the other anymore. And once there is a discrepancy on one side the whole thing is off. Which makes that small 50% of the minute collection seem that much harder to embrace when after all that searching and hunting and throwing yourself out there, just ends in heartbreak and loneliness and self-loathing.
So I had started to say that romance movies were humbling, mainly because I don't believe in love right now. I don't believe I'll ever love like romance movies make love seem. In my mind, love is burdensome and overwhelming. People worry more when they're in love and they become jealous and sad often. No one is ever happy once expectations and responsibilities are added to the equation. Expectations are made to be broken, responsibilities are made to be forgotten and feelings are made to be hurt. It all sounds like a big let down to begin with.
So I am humbled by the fact that I ever felt those feelings towards someone, and by the fact that others feel those feelings for someone. I am humbled when I think of the fun I am having with a friend right now, and how society makes me instantly expect to be romantically involved or feel responsible towards making them happy. I am content with the way things are now. I am happy keeping most of the relationship held off and just screwing and sharing stories. I am happy to have dinner with a friend a couple nights a week and I am happy that someone finds me attractive.
Of course I still worry, because I am conditioned to, over whether he is sharing this experience with another woman. And of course I often feel likewise I should be thinking about him and planning a wedding or future trip or what have you. Society screws with my brain and as a woman, I can not peacefully enjoy hanging out with a guy friend and screwing every now and then. I wonder why my thoughts and feelings always move so quickly to what the corporate world and marketing have taught me. White dresses and jewelry. Flowers and chocolates. If I'm not getting these things, then something is not correct. If I am not hanging out with this guy for the ultimate goal of marriage and kids, then I am wasting my time. If I am sleeping with him, then I have to be in a relationship with him. If we break up/stop being intimate, then it would mess with our friendship. Why? Why do these things have to occur? Why can't it be different?
I will not allow my ideas of what this is become someone else's ideas.
If I believe that I can be an adult and enjoy this time without worrying about results and consequences. Then I can.
Yes I can.
I want to feel good about myself, so I will continue to let someone dote on me because I enjoy the attention and the company.
Yes I do.
I allow myself the freedom to expand my emotional age and experience a close relationship that will not end in marriage.
And I will be OK when that relationship ends.
I want to enjoy the here and now without worrying about the past and future. No thinking about exes or weddings or "where is this going?"
I will enjoy now.
I see my life as full and open. I can enjoy time spent with anyone I choose. I can even choose to not spend time with anyone if it pleases me.
I get to choose.
What I do with my private life is up to me and I am the only one who can make it a happy experience.
I lead the day.
I am the puppet master and I am the audience. I enjoy the show because I know the hard work put into the characters, costumes, dialogue.
I am happy and I have ME to thank.
So thank you me.
You have done yourself well.
Love doesn't seem possible in this case. Besides the impossibilities, I often wonder what the point is. Most relationships end in divorce/breaks, and for good reasons. I cannot seriously say to myself, I will find someone that takes my breath away now and forever. It doesn't make sense. There will always be someone better than who I have. The grass is always greener concept. After a while, people just start to change. Time changes things. If it didn't, then life would be boring. But do we choose boring, or heartbreak? While change may lead to heartbreak, I think it is a noble thing to realize when one doesn't love the other anymore. And once there is a discrepancy on one side the whole thing is off. Which makes that small 50% of the minute collection seem that much harder to embrace when after all that searching and hunting and throwing yourself out there, just ends in heartbreak and loneliness and self-loathing.
So I had started to say that romance movies were humbling, mainly because I don't believe in love right now. I don't believe I'll ever love like romance movies make love seem. In my mind, love is burdensome and overwhelming. People worry more when they're in love and they become jealous and sad often. No one is ever happy once expectations and responsibilities are added to the equation. Expectations are made to be broken, responsibilities are made to be forgotten and feelings are made to be hurt. It all sounds like a big let down to begin with.
So I am humbled by the fact that I ever felt those feelings towards someone, and by the fact that others feel those feelings for someone. I am humbled when I think of the fun I am having with a friend right now, and how society makes me instantly expect to be romantically involved or feel responsible towards making them happy. I am content with the way things are now. I am happy keeping most of the relationship held off and just screwing and sharing stories. I am happy to have dinner with a friend a couple nights a week and I am happy that someone finds me attractive.
Of course I still worry, because I am conditioned to, over whether he is sharing this experience with another woman. And of course I often feel likewise I should be thinking about him and planning a wedding or future trip or what have you. Society screws with my brain and as a woman, I can not peacefully enjoy hanging out with a guy friend and screwing every now and then. I wonder why my thoughts and feelings always move so quickly to what the corporate world and marketing have taught me. White dresses and jewelry. Flowers and chocolates. If I'm not getting these things, then something is not correct. If I am not hanging out with this guy for the ultimate goal of marriage and kids, then I am wasting my time. If I am sleeping with him, then I have to be in a relationship with him. If we break up/stop being intimate, then it would mess with our friendship. Why? Why do these things have to occur? Why can't it be different?
I will not allow my ideas of what this is become someone else's ideas.
If I believe that I can be an adult and enjoy this time without worrying about results and consequences. Then I can.
Yes I can.
I want to feel good about myself, so I will continue to let someone dote on me because I enjoy the attention and the company.
Yes I do.
I allow myself the freedom to expand my emotional age and experience a close relationship that will not end in marriage.
And I will be OK when that relationship ends.
I want to enjoy the here and now without worrying about the past and future. No thinking about exes or weddings or "where is this going?"
I will enjoy now.
I see my life as full and open. I can enjoy time spent with anyone I choose. I can even choose to not spend time with anyone if it pleases me.
I get to choose.
What I do with my private life is up to me and I am the only one who can make it a happy experience.
I lead the day.
I am the puppet master and I am the audience. I enjoy the show because I know the hard work put into the characters, costumes, dialogue.
I am happy and I have ME to thank.
So thank you me.
You have done yourself well.
Absence
It's been a while since I've written. I've pretty much slacked off in every area of my life recently. Either because of my sickness or because of the snow.
I feel awful when I think of what I have been forgetting or not completing in my life, like yoga. I know I should not take my issues personally. And I need to let go of issues in which I beat myself up over skipping things.
Like yoga.
And vday turned out to be me ditched by my friend, but I hung out with another friend and watched the olympics. Which was fun. And only today have I found out that others were in the same boat as me in the vday spirit. I could have gone to dinner with my gay friend, or hung out with many other singles. I need to realize the idea of communication with strangers more. I may find my life a little more interesting when I let in new people.
I feel awful when I think of what I have been forgetting or not completing in my life, like yoga. I know I should not take my issues personally. And I need to let go of issues in which I beat myself up over skipping things.
Like yoga.
And vday turned out to be me ditched by my friend, but I hung out with another friend and watched the olympics. Which was fun. And only today have I found out that others were in the same boat as me in the vday spirit. I could have gone to dinner with my gay friend, or hung out with many other singles. I need to realize the idea of communication with strangers more. I may find my life a little more interesting when I let in new people.
ENTP
ENTPs males look for INTP(scholar) or ESTP(wheeler-dealer) or females look for ENTJ(general).
"I invent love in my mind first"
"One exciting challenge after another"
"Progress is the product"
Explorer, Inventor, Originator, Intellectual
ENTPs are known for their quest of the novel and complex. They have faith in their ability to improvise and to overcome any challenges that they face. They are highly independent, and value adaptability and innovation. They may be several steps ahead of others in encouraging and valuing change. They hate uninspired routine and resist hierarchical and bureaucratic structures that are not functional. They need freedom for action.
As adults, ENTPs take advantage of opportunities. Because of their ability to see relationships and connections between seemingly unrelated things, they are able to realize the potential in many things. When they see and opportunity that others have missed, they set action-oriented strategies that allow them the greatest flexibility to achieve the results they want. The worst job for them is working for someone who demands considerable rule following or tries too often to tell or order, rather than make suggestions to the ENTP. Throughout their careers, ENTPs want their work to be enjoyable, with interesting possibilities for applications. Additionally, having their work widely acclaimed and accepted as a unique contribution would be highly gratifying for ENTPs. They also weave in vacations whenever possible and want a flexible work schedule.
ENTPs contribute and innovative, versatile, and enterprising approach to work. They view limitations as challenges to be overcome and look for new ways to do things. They need to find a niche for themselves in order to be free to maneuver. They prefer the start-up phase of a project rather than the followthrough or maintenance phase. Once the project is designed, they prefer to turn it over to someone else. They take initiative and inspire others toward greater accomplishments and challenges.
ENTPs usually find work that involves an analytical, entrepreneurial, and creative focus. They tend to tolerate ambiguity well. They want to be in situations in which they can take intellectual risks and meet challenges. To perform in their best fashion, they prefer flexibility and versatility. While they like status and titles, they ultimately want to be judged on their innovative accomplishments. They take advantage of changing circumstances and work those circumstances into their plans. As a result, they function effectively in chaotic times.
For the ENTP, falling in love occurs when they feel that there is a good fit with the other person. Often within the first meeting, ENTPs will know whether the relationship has any real potential. ENTPs may find it difficult to commit to anyone until the right person comes along. During this period, ENTPs explore the closeness until they can be certain that they have looked at all of the possibilities. Because of this, they are not likely to settle down early. When they do become involved in a relationship, they generally want to maintain as much independence and freedom as their loved one can tolerate. Their mates may need to have high self-esteem and to be independent themselves in order to accept the ENTP need for freedom and novelty.
For ENTPs, falling out of love, which may not always occur, results when their vision of the relationship does not square with reality. Sometimes they will select someone who offers stability and comfort and ENTPs later will become bored with the stability. When scorned, ENTPs use their powerful and broadreaching analysis to explain the reasons why the relationship was not good in the first place; additionally, they may become competitive with their former partner and work hard to win. ENTPs do not like to lose at anything they undertake.
Found in about five out of every hundred people, ENTP's extravert intuition; thus they deal imaginatively with social relationships as well as physical and mechanical relations. They are very alert to what is apt to occur next, and always sensitive to possibilities.
Usually enthusiastic, ENTP's are apt to express interest in everything, and thus are a source of inspiration to others, who find themselves caught up by the ENTP's enthusiasm. This type is delighted over many things and so is easy to please.
"It can't be done" is a challenge to an ENTP and elicits a reaction of "I can do it." The faith of the ENTP's is in their ability to improvise something, and they display an unusual talent for rising to the expediency of a situation.
They value adaptability and innovation and thus respond quickly and adeptly to another's shifting position. They may even be several jumps ahead. The ENTP, talkative and motivating, is often the life of an enterprise. The ENTP can be an entrepreneur and cleverly makes do with whatever or whoever is at hand, counting on ingenuity to solve problems as they arise, rather than carefully generating a detailed blueprint in advance. A rough draft is all that an ENTP needs to feel confident and ready to proceed into action, counting on the ability to improvise as a situation develops. Because of this tendency to depend on ingenuity and improvision, they may neglect very necessary preparation at times. After repeated failures in situations where improvising has met with defeat, the ENTP may develop ways of avoiding such situations as a substitute to thorough preparation.
ENTP's enjoy outwitting the system and use rules and regulations within the system to win the game-whatever it may be. They understand well the politics of institutions and deal with these realities very well, always aiming to understand the people within the system rather than to judge them. ENTP's are good at innovative projects and can administer them well if dull routine is not involved. They usually are outstanding teachers, continuously devising new participative ways to make learning exciting for the students. As an employee, an ENTP may work against the system just for the joy of being one-up. For ENTP's, to be taken-in, to be manipulated by another, is humiliating; this offends their joy in being masters of the art of one-upmanship. ENTP's are the natural engineers of human relationships and human systems. Their good humor and optimistic outlook tend to be contagious, and people seek out their company.
As mates, ENTP's tend to create a lively living environment. They are gregarious, laugh easily and often, and are typically in good humor. Orderliness in the routines of daily living is not apt to inspire them.
ENTP's are likely to have all sorts of hobbies and to be experts in unexpected areas, but they are not apt to share these hobbies with their mates or children in the sense of teaching them. In fact, ENTP's may be very inconsistent in the attention given to offspring. Usually, it is feast or famine. ENTP's have a lively circle of friends and are interested in their ideas and activities. They are usually easy-going, seldom critical or nagging. At their worst, they can show undependable, fickle characteristics and may be rather easily discouraged.
favored careers:
disfavored careers:
personal assistant, wedding planner, travel agent, secretary, interior decorator, clerical employee, government employee, social worker, pre school teacher, copy editor, child care worker, hospitality worker, occupational therapist, home maker
"The future is not a result of choices among alternative paths offered by the present, but a place that is created -- created first in the mind and will, created next in activity."
"The future is not some place we are going to, but one we are creating. The paths are not to be found, but made, and the activity of making them, changes both the maker and the destination."
-- John Schaar, Futurist
Nearly all ENTPs will recognize the following characteristics in themselves. They should embrace and nourish these strengths:
Most of the weaker characteristics that are found in ENTPs are due to their dominant function of Extraverted Intuition overtaking the personality to the point that the other functions exist merely to serve its purposes. In such cases, an ENTP may show some or all of the following weaknesses in varying degrees:
Solutions
To grow as an individual, the ENTP needs to focus on carefully analyzing the information they receive via their Extraverted Intuition. They need to allow themselves sufficient time and space to relax with the ideas and possibilities they can see. It is all too easy for the ENTP to assume that what they see is what they need. Careful thinking can allow the ENTP to “suss out” the best possible ways to proceed out of all the possibilities that come to them. At the same time, even if they are not able to share them, ENTP’s need at least to understand the joys and satisfactions that others derive within those situations the ENTP would not normally choose in life. Awareness of the ways and needs of others can be the key to understanding the most life affirming way ahead for the ENTP, for there is always a danger that they might choose paths without regard to the feelings and needs of others close to them. The ENTP learns from analyzing his experience, so the best way for the ENTP to grow as a person is to develop his thinking capacity. Thus, that while the desire to run out and do something "new" is an ENTP pattern of need, this need must be integrated into a whole way of life in which the rest of our human needs and those of others who rely upon our presence are also satisfied. Your task, as a person interested in personal growth, is to understand yourself in a truly objective fashion, and how you can best give to the world, rather than just exploit the possibilities it bring to you.
The ENTP should always pay close attention to why they are acting upon new information. Are they acting out of a carefully considered motive to realize something truly worthwhile for themselves and others? Are they really seeking to improve life, or concerned with just making the next play, proving the point, showing others the moves or climbing the mountain just because it is there to climb, regardless of the consequences?
Living Happily in our World as an ENTP
The problems ENTPs might have fitting into the world are not usually directly related to friends or relationships. Rather, the ENTP has trouble maintaining a stable and consistent lifestyle. While this can affect love relationships, the ENTP usually has such an endearing and capable “way” about them that others tend to follow their lead, even in the most trying of situations. The problems the ENTP generates in life are those associated with their constant need for individuality, excellence and new experiences which test their talents. While this can place great demand upon relationships, tensions are usually only apparent where the ENTP has made a love match with a person whose security needs are greater than their ability to allow their ENTP partner the freedom they need. The self aware ENTP must therefore not only be careful in considering their career choices, but also in choosing a life situation with a partner. Of all the types, the ENTP is most uncomfortable with compromise and ought not to place themselves in situations which demand it. Most importantly the ENTP must become aware, through careful analysis of experience, just what kind of changes for the good or bad have been the direct result of their need for constant refreshment of life. Only through this awareness will the ENTP be able to focus on those perceptions which promise a better and more fruitful life.
Most ENTPs will experience career/life frustration and some relationship difficulties through their lives. The ENTP with well-developed Introverted Thinking will find these times easier to deal with. Accordingly, we offer some general suggestions for dealing with these difficulties, as well as some advice that will help the ENTP develop their Introverted Thinking.
Specific suggestions:
http://personalitycafe.com/entp-forum-visionaries/
"I invent love in my mind first"
"One exciting challenge after another"
"Progress is the product"
"Clever describes ENTPs best"
ENTPs are known for their quest of the novel and complex. They have faith in their ability to improvise and to overcome any challenges that they face. They are highly independent, and value adaptability and innovation. They may be several steps ahead of others in encouraging and valuing change. They hate uninspired routine and resist hierarchical and bureaucratic structures that are not functional. They need freedom for action.
As adults, ENTPs take advantage of opportunities. Because of their ability to see relationships and connections between seemingly unrelated things, they are able to realize the potential in many things. When they see and opportunity that others have missed, they set action-oriented strategies that allow them the greatest flexibility to achieve the results they want. The worst job for them is working for someone who demands considerable rule following or tries too often to tell or order, rather than make suggestions to the ENTP. Throughout their careers, ENTPs want their work to be enjoyable, with interesting possibilities for applications. Additionally, having their work widely acclaimed and accepted as a unique contribution would be highly gratifying for ENTPs. They also weave in vacations whenever possible and want a flexible work schedule.
ENTPs contribute and innovative, versatile, and enterprising approach to work. They view limitations as challenges to be overcome and look for new ways to do things. They need to find a niche for themselves in order to be free to maneuver. They prefer the start-up phase of a project rather than the followthrough or maintenance phase. Once the project is designed, they prefer to turn it over to someone else. They take initiative and inspire others toward greater accomplishments and challenges.
ENTPs usually find work that involves an analytical, entrepreneurial, and creative focus. They tend to tolerate ambiguity well. They want to be in situations in which they can take intellectual risks and meet challenges. To perform in their best fashion, they prefer flexibility and versatility. While they like status and titles, they ultimately want to be judged on their innovative accomplishments. They take advantage of changing circumstances and work those circumstances into their plans. As a result, they function effectively in chaotic times.
For the ENTP, falling in love occurs when they feel that there is a good fit with the other person. Often within the first meeting, ENTPs will know whether the relationship has any real potential. ENTPs may find it difficult to commit to anyone until the right person comes along. During this period, ENTPs explore the closeness until they can be certain that they have looked at all of the possibilities. Because of this, they are not likely to settle down early. When they do become involved in a relationship, they generally want to maintain as much independence and freedom as their loved one can tolerate. Their mates may need to have high self-esteem and to be independent themselves in order to accept the ENTP need for freedom and novelty.
For ENTPs, falling out of love, which may not always occur, results when their vision of the relationship does not square with reality. Sometimes they will select someone who offers stability and comfort and ENTPs later will become bored with the stability. When scorned, ENTPs use their powerful and broadreaching analysis to explain the reasons why the relationship was not good in the first place; additionally, they may become competitive with their former partner and work hard to win. ENTPs do not like to lose at anything they undertake.
Found in about five out of every hundred people, ENTP's extravert intuition; thus they deal imaginatively with social relationships as well as physical and mechanical relations. They are very alert to what is apt to occur next, and always sensitive to possibilities.
Usually enthusiastic, ENTP's are apt to express interest in everything, and thus are a source of inspiration to others, who find themselves caught up by the ENTP's enthusiasm. This type is delighted over many things and so is easy to please.
"It can't be done" is a challenge to an ENTP and elicits a reaction of "I can do it." The faith of the ENTP's is in their ability to improvise something, and they display an unusual talent for rising to the expediency of a situation.
They value adaptability and innovation and thus respond quickly and adeptly to another's shifting position. They may even be several jumps ahead. The ENTP, talkative and motivating, is often the life of an enterprise. The ENTP can be an entrepreneur and cleverly makes do with whatever or whoever is at hand, counting on ingenuity to solve problems as they arise, rather than carefully generating a detailed blueprint in advance. A rough draft is all that an ENTP needs to feel confident and ready to proceed into action, counting on the ability to improvise as a situation develops. Because of this tendency to depend on ingenuity and improvision, they may neglect very necessary preparation at times. After repeated failures in situations where improvising has met with defeat, the ENTP may develop ways of avoiding such situations as a substitute to thorough preparation.
ENTP's enjoy outwitting the system and use rules and regulations within the system to win the game-whatever it may be. They understand well the politics of institutions and deal with these realities very well, always aiming to understand the people within the system rather than to judge them. ENTP's are good at innovative projects and can administer them well if dull routine is not involved. They usually are outstanding teachers, continuously devising new participative ways to make learning exciting for the students. As an employee, an ENTP may work against the system just for the joy of being one-up. For ENTP's, to be taken-in, to be manipulated by another, is humiliating; this offends their joy in being masters of the art of one-upmanship. ENTP's are the natural engineers of human relationships and human systems. Their good humor and optimistic outlook tend to be contagious, and people seek out their company.
As mates, ENTP's tend to create a lively living environment. They are gregarious, laugh easily and often, and are typically in good humor. Orderliness in the routines of daily living is not apt to inspire them.
ENTP's are likely to have all sorts of hobbies and to be experts in unexpected areas, but they are not apt to share these hobbies with their mates or children in the sense of teaching them. In fact, ENTP's may be very inconsistent in the attention given to offspring. Usually, it is feast or famine. ENTP's have a lively circle of friends and are interested in their ideas and activities. They are usually easy-going, seldom critical or nagging. At their worst, they can show undependable, fickle characteristics and may be rather easily discouraged.
risk taker, easy going, outgoing, social, open, rule breaker, thrill seeker, life of the party, comfortable in unfamiliar situations, appreciates strangeness, disorganized, adventurous, talented at presentation, aggressive, attention seeking, experience junky, insensitive, adaptable, not easily offended, messy, carefree, dangerous, fearless, careless, emotionally stable, spontaneous, improviser, always joking, player, wild and crazy, dominant, acts without thinking, not into organized religion, pro-weed legalization
favored careers:
| dictator, computer consultant, international spy, tv producer, philosopher, comedian, music performer, it consultant, figher pilot, politician, diplomat, entertainer, game designer, bar owner, freelance writer, creative director, strategist, news anchor, professional skateboarder, airline pilot, comic book artist, college professor, private detective, mechanical engineer, lecturer, ambassador, astronomer, research scientist, judge, web developer, scholar, fbi agent, cia agent, electrical engineer, assassin |
personal assistant, wedding planner, travel agent, secretary, interior decorator, clerical employee, government employee, social worker, pre school teacher, copy editor, child care worker, hospitality worker, occupational therapist, home maker
"The future is not a result of choices among alternative paths offered by the present, but a place that is created -- created first in the mind and will, created next in activity."
"The future is not some place we are going to, but one we are creating. The paths are not to be found, but made, and the activity of making them, changes both the maker and the destination."
-- John Schaar, Futurist
Nearly all ENTPs will recognize the following characteristics in themselves. They should embrace and nourish these strengths:
· The ability to hold many points of view in mind and see their differing merits.
· Seeing ways to do things others have not thought of.
· Able to give quick and diverse answers to any question of interest.
· Seeing the other side of a situation and making it known.
· Being able to juggle many differing jobs or processes at the one time.
· Easily capable of holding your own in any argument or discussion.
· The ability to quickly find the best or most useful side of others.
· Seeing the many connections between events and things which are not immediately obvious to others.
ENTPs who have developed their Introverted Thinking to the extent that they regularly and carefully interpret the information their Extraverted Intuition brings to them will enjoy these very special gifts:
· The ability to solve puzzles and problems that have no obvious way to resolution.
· The ability to define schematically a new structure or design and know it will work.
· Knowing and giving to others the very thing they need when they are not sure themselves.
· A talent for innovative creation in writing, music or the visual arts.
· The gift of knowing which new ideas or changes will enhance rather than detract from their relationships with othersMost of the weaker characteristics that are found in ENTPs are due to their dominant function of Extraverted Intuition overtaking the personality to the point that the other functions exist merely to serve its purposes. In such cases, an ENTP may show some or all of the following weaknesses in varying degrees:
· The inability to maintain a comfortable situation or relationship once its possibilities have been realized or exhausted.
· A tendency to consider careful or meticulous thinkers as unworthy plodders or time wasters.
· Blindness to the needs and feelings of others not directly involved in the ENTP’s current area of interest.
· A lack of sensitivity to the feelings and ways of those who might need reassurance, security or commitment.
· The inability to deal carefully and calmly with the finer details of a situation or work in progress.
· Becoming overly annoyed by minor setbacks or small things that have to be set right before the goal can be realized.
· A tendency to be arrogant or boastful, or to demean those who cannot see the same answers.
· Can often find themselves in bad situations by too quickly taking a big step forward or by being “too smart for their own good”.Solutions
To grow as an individual, the ENTP needs to focus on carefully analyzing the information they receive via their Extraverted Intuition. They need to allow themselves sufficient time and space to relax with the ideas and possibilities they can see. It is all too easy for the ENTP to assume that what they see is what they need. Careful thinking can allow the ENTP to “suss out” the best possible ways to proceed out of all the possibilities that come to them. At the same time, even if they are not able to share them, ENTP’s need at least to understand the joys and satisfactions that others derive within those situations the ENTP would not normally choose in life. Awareness of the ways and needs of others can be the key to understanding the most life affirming way ahead for the ENTP, for there is always a danger that they might choose paths without regard to the feelings and needs of others close to them. The ENTP learns from analyzing his experience, so the best way for the ENTP to grow as a person is to develop his thinking capacity. Thus, that while the desire to run out and do something "new" is an ENTP pattern of need, this need must be integrated into a whole way of life in which the rest of our human needs and those of others who rely upon our presence are also satisfied. Your task, as a person interested in personal growth, is to understand yourself in a truly objective fashion, and how you can best give to the world, rather than just exploit the possibilities it bring to you.
The ENTP should always pay close attention to why they are acting upon new information. Are they acting out of a carefully considered motive to realize something truly worthwhile for themselves and others? Are they really seeking to improve life, or concerned with just making the next play, proving the point, showing others the moves or climbing the mountain just because it is there to climb, regardless of the consequences?
Living Happily in our World as an ENTP
The problems ENTPs might have fitting into the world are not usually directly related to friends or relationships. Rather, the ENTP has trouble maintaining a stable and consistent lifestyle. While this can affect love relationships, the ENTP usually has such an endearing and capable “way” about them that others tend to follow their lead, even in the most trying of situations. The problems the ENTP generates in life are those associated with their constant need for individuality, excellence and new experiences which test their talents. While this can place great demand upon relationships, tensions are usually only apparent where the ENTP has made a love match with a person whose security needs are greater than their ability to allow their ENTP partner the freedom they need. The self aware ENTP must therefore not only be careful in considering their career choices, but also in choosing a life situation with a partner. Of all the types, the ENTP is most uncomfortable with compromise and ought not to place themselves in situations which demand it. Most importantly the ENTP must become aware, through careful analysis of experience, just what kind of changes for the good or bad have been the direct result of their need for constant refreshment of life. Only through this awareness will the ENTP be able to focus on those perceptions which promise a better and more fruitful life.
Most ENTPs will experience career/life frustration and some relationship difficulties through their lives. The ENTP with well-developed Introverted Thinking will find these times easier to deal with. Accordingly, we offer some general suggestions for dealing with these difficulties, as well as some advice that will help the ENTP develop their Introverted Thinking.
Specific suggestions:
- Take time to really listen to the thoughts of others and try to see how they understand the world. Think about the ways in which your view of the world and your needs can mesh with theirs.
- Don't expect others to simply follow you or expect that they should see what you can see as a worthy goal. A good exercise is to imagine yourself as a blind or severely disabled person. Try to get the feel of what it would be like to have to organize your life from such a different perspective. Would your goals still be valid? Would they need re-thinking? Consider the possibility that while your way of thinking leads you to see other types as having limited vision or ability, the truth is that they are no more limited than yourself, but simply have a differing focus in life and differing needs.
- Realize and accept that for you a satisfying relationship will require you to attend to the small details of life and show an awareness of your partner’s feelings. You might find this difficult, but it will pay the biggest dividends in return for your effort.
- Expanding your appreciation of the differences between people will expand your understanding of human expectations. Try to figure out the personality type of people that you know and encounter in your life.
- Take care to listen to what people express within different social and work situations. Notice the different ways they go about their dealings with others or solving their problems. Do not try to compare or judge their ways against your own, simply try to recognize the many ways it is possible to be at peace in the world.
- When having a conversation with a friend or relative, spend at least half of the time talking about them. Concentrate on really understanding where the person is coming from with their concerns. Ask questions.
- Think of the people who are closest to you. Remember that they have their own passions, satisfactions and needs. Try to visualize what that person is doing, and narrow down to how they are feeling at this moment; to one thing they might be thinking about. Don't pass judgment, just consider and reflect on why they might think or feel in just such a way.
1. Feed Your Strengths! Realize your gift of seeing past the obvious brings you a great capacity to reward yourself and others through your cleverness. Make sure you engage in activities and which can expose this potential at its most valuable level.
2. Face Your Weaknesses! We all have weaknesses. Recognizing your weaknesses for what they are (without beating yourself up) will give you the power to change your life for the better.
3. Talk Through Your Perceptions. Discussing what you see with others will them understand where you are coming from, and offer you the chance to discover the ways in which their input can balance your ideas.
4. Relax and Enjoy the View. Take the time to consider what you have, the gifts life has already brought to you. Try and discover the value and importance of those constant day to day things which support and nourish you.
5. Be Aware of Others Understand that everyone has their own lives and their own perspectives. Everyone has something to offer. Try to identify people's personality type.
6. Recognize Norms and Structures Are Necessary. Remember that without the support and constancy of others, no-one can follow their dreams. The path you walk was laid by others, each of its stepping stones created to fulfill a different part of the human need for constancy and security. Without this support structure, you cannot go far.
7. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone Understand that the only way to grow is to get outside of your comfort zone. If you're feeling uncomfortable in situation because it seems to be going nowhere, that's good! That's an opportunity for growth.
8. Identify and Express Your Feelings You may have a hard time understanding your feelings. It's important that you try to figure this out. Don't let people down. If you determine that you value a person, tell them so every time you think of it. This is the best way to make them feel secure in your affections, and so to promote a long-lasting relationship.
9. Be Accountable for Yourself Remember that no one has more control over your life than you have. Don't be a victim.
10. Assume the Best, But Be Wary. Your positive attitude nearly always creates positive situations. Just remember: to make them lasting and worthwhile you must build them on solid, carefully planned foundations.
http://personalitycafe.com/entp-forum-visionaries/
Risks
So. Yea.
Exactly.
A certain risk was taken today, one that transcends me from previous persona to goal persona.
I'm not sure how the risk is working out right now, but suffice it to say, I wanted more drama in my life.
Exactly.
A certain risk was taken today, one that transcends me from previous persona to goal persona.
I'm not sure how the risk is working out right now, but suffice it to say, I wanted more drama in my life.
Celebration
Omedetou!
I am surrounded by caring, loving friends who want to see me and make me happy. I'm trusted, respected, and filled with joy from those around me.
What did I wish for? More time to get my goals accomplished. I have everything else I'd ever need or want, all I want now is to grow and experience.
I am surrounded by caring, loving friends who want to see me and make me happy. I'm trusted, respected, and filled with joy from those around me.
What did I wish for? More time to get my goals accomplished. I have everything else I'd ever need or want, all I want now is to grow and experience.
Romp
Took a romp in the Capitol today. The snow made the experience. It was freezing, but I learned that I am more adventurous than I remember. Even freezing snowy nights won't keep me from doing what I want. My horoscope said that today, and it mentioned I'll meet a teacher in June. And acheive a goal in August. Geminis and Virgos are caring listeners for me. Truth.
Impressions
I prefer beginning relationships instead of maintaining them.
A relationship is always better in the beginning. People are excited to get to know each other, they're really interested in you- otherwise they wouldn't be trying to become a friend.
I find that after a while either I am tired of them, or they are tired of me.
For the past 5 years I have been trained to hold short relationships. From living spaces, classes, jobs, everything has been a short term deal. Now that the years of short experience are gone, I'm finding it hard to build upon these relationships so that people, ideas, work, are still interested in me and what I have to say. It's odd, maybe it's a sel-esteem issue, but maybe it's just a personality thing too.
A relationship is always better in the beginning. People are excited to get to know each other, they're really interested in you- otherwise they wouldn't be trying to become a friend.
I find that after a while either I am tired of them, or they are tired of me.
For the past 5 years I have been trained to hold short relationships. From living spaces, classes, jobs, everything has been a short term deal. Now that the years of short experience are gone, I'm finding it hard to build upon these relationships so that people, ideas, work, are still interested in me and what I have to say. It's odd, maybe it's a sel-esteem issue, but maybe it's just a personality thing too.
Impeccability
Enlightenment +1
To be impeccable is to be without sin. To be without sin is to be free of self-rejection. Without self-rejection there is love. Love cannot be without open love towards others and an open heart for incoming love.
I've been reading the four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and so far agreement number 1 is to be impeccable with your word. The word is a powerful thing. The power of suggestion is what rules the world. Apparently, everyone is ruled by these words before they even realize it. The reason I choose to write a blog, wake up in the morning, breathe shallowly, laugh at awkward moments, style my hair, even eating my favorite dessert. EVERYTHING we do is because of a spoken word, an opinion voiced against or with us.
Granted, I tend to love daquiri ice (sherbert) because most others do not; this is just another positive reinforcement to another opinion shared with me, the word that people should be unique.
I could go on forever but I'll leave with this: Everything is an emotional agreement to a word, opinion. I am feeling the way I choose to feel based off of the powerful words shared with me. A lot of power belongs to me. My happiness and frustration belong to me as well. I'm not sure I want to take credit for those things, but I suppose I have no choice.
To be impeccable is to be without sin. To be without sin is to be free of self-rejection. Without self-rejection there is love. Love cannot be without open love towards others and an open heart for incoming love.
I've been reading the four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and so far agreement number 1 is to be impeccable with your word. The word is a powerful thing. The power of suggestion is what rules the world. Apparently, everyone is ruled by these words before they even realize it. The reason I choose to write a blog, wake up in the morning, breathe shallowly, laugh at awkward moments, style my hair, even eating my favorite dessert. EVERYTHING we do is because of a spoken word, an opinion voiced against or with us.
Granted, I tend to love daquiri ice (sherbert) because most others do not; this is just another positive reinforcement to another opinion shared with me, the word that people should be unique.
I could go on forever but I'll leave with this: Everything is an emotional agreement to a word, opinion. I am feeling the way I choose to feel based off of the powerful words shared with me. A lot of power belongs to me. My happiness and frustration belong to me as well. I'm not sure I want to take credit for those things, but I suppose I have no choice.
Misunderstandings
I don't know why with so many ways to communicate, people still can't get on the same page. And while we'd all like to be nice to each other and not hurt the other person's feelings, it just seems like a simpler, faster route if we all could accept criticism and take words for their face value.
Self
I often think about the relationships I don't have.
Is that weird?
I don't think about the ones I have, I think about what I had or what I saw. It makes for a pretty depressing self-realization.
Tonight I was lying in bed, thinking about how I was lucky to not need to listen to music to fall asleep (normally) -this stems from the rain and a horrible positioning of a balcony above my bedroom window which drips water in an annoying fashion. I was thinking about how I used to have a friend who needed to listen to audio books to sleep and I wondered when we lost our friendship. We used to be best friends. The best of best friends. And I can't pinpoint when it all changed. I can say however, that I haven't talked to her in 4 or 5 years, even though we went to the same college.
I wonder how we lost touch so easily, and then I think about my personal responses. I remember that I am normally an introverted person that likes to take vacations from everyone (like this past Saturday). I remind myself that I probably could have stayed friends with her if I had tried harder. If I hadn't thought either of us was out of the other's league, and if I had realized that we are all the same people just trying to live.
But that's a hard realization to come to terms with. I don't know why yet. It just is.
Betterment
So often we try to change others. To better others. But how do we realize when and how to better ourselves?
Coworker
What do you do with a coworker that won't listen to ideas. Repeats themselves so a 2 min discussion lasts 2 hours. And feels the need to "understand" people and their mannerisms.
Ashtanga
Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday is going to be a hurdle to overcome every week. I have so much going on, my body can't handle it.
My ashtanga yoga class involved some very advanced poses for a very new to yoga me today. I was not prepared, but I was enthusiastic. It was probably the first time I laughed while in yoga. I was not able to perform every pose, and even in the beginning of the class I felt uneasiness with the main resting seated pose. I couldn't keep my spine elongated and my true heart lifted. I was tired.
I drank two cups of coffee today. That never happens.
I went back to work late and still have way to much to complete tomorrow.
I was living the MoCoAvg life today. Boo.
One positive, I made a good dinner and did not criticize every poor movement in my yoga class today. Yay me!
My ashtanga yoga class involved some very advanced poses for a very new to yoga me today. I was not prepared, but I was enthusiastic. It was probably the first time I laughed while in yoga. I was not able to perform every pose, and even in the beginning of the class I felt uneasiness with the main resting seated pose. I couldn't keep my spine elongated and my true heart lifted. I was tired.
I drank two cups of coffee today. That never happens.
I went back to work late and still have way to much to complete tomorrow.
I was living the MoCoAvg life today. Boo.
One positive, I made a good dinner and did not criticize every poor movement in my yoga class today. Yay me!
Kundalini
Ahhhh, the insights of my Kundalini Yogi. I am always inspired and rejuvenated after that class.
The wise yogi mentioned commitment this time. She wants us all to work on commitment. Whether that be a relationship with a friend, significant other, or even a commitment to ourselves.
I say, most importantly a commitment to myself!
I chose right then and there in that class to commit myself to being invested in my own life.
Just earlier today I found that I was strapped for time and not well prepared for half of my work meetings. This is even after I was FINALLY on-time to work! First time! Ding-ding-ding! I get to buy myself a flower! (my reward for being on-time)
So I told myself in my Kundalini class, I will be committed and invested in my own life. I will make a conscious effort to remember the important details of my work and I will remember the play dates I plan with various friends. I need to stop being so unfocused when talking to people. Often times I'll be so ADD that I don't even realize I faked paying attention! Its a horrible thing, I should own up to it when it happens.
That being said, today was a good day. I got to work on-time, I was super responsible at work, impressed 4 different people, and feel more confident in my abilities. (of course I felt less confident minutes before I felt more confident... why does that happen?)
Another thing my yogi mentioned, which made me chuckle during our meditation sessions, was her nonchalant mention that we would all be enlightened and thriving come 2013. I'm not sure if anyone else caught that post-apocalyptic reference. But I sure as hell did! I am going to be prepared for the shit that goes down. And I hope it does happen. I think we all need to start over. I love technology and information and globalization, but some of this outdated thinking, oil wasting, and prejudice over place and rights has just got to go. And an apocalypse always shows people what is most important in life, and humbles all. I should actually start an apocalypse blog. Then I can chronicle my daily learnings for that outcome... hmm.....
Oh, and I'm watching the apocalypse man on the history channel. Love him!
The wise yogi mentioned commitment this time. She wants us all to work on commitment. Whether that be a relationship with a friend, significant other, or even a commitment to ourselves.
I say, most importantly a commitment to myself!
I chose right then and there in that class to commit myself to being invested in my own life.
Just earlier today I found that I was strapped for time and not well prepared for half of my work meetings. This is even after I was FINALLY on-time to work! First time! Ding-ding-ding! I get to buy myself a flower! (my reward for being on-time)
So I told myself in my Kundalini class, I will be committed and invested in my own life. I will make a conscious effort to remember the important details of my work and I will remember the play dates I plan with various friends. I need to stop being so unfocused when talking to people. Often times I'll be so ADD that I don't even realize I faked paying attention! Its a horrible thing, I should own up to it when it happens.
That being said, today was a good day. I got to work on-time, I was super responsible at work, impressed 4 different people, and feel more confident in my abilities. (of course I felt less confident minutes before I felt more confident... why does that happen?)
Another thing my yogi mentioned, which made me chuckle during our meditation sessions, was her nonchalant mention that we would all be enlightened and thriving come 2013. I'm not sure if anyone else caught that post-apocalyptic reference. But I sure as hell did! I am going to be prepared for the shit that goes down. And I hope it does happen. I think we all need to start over. I love technology and information and globalization, but some of this outdated thinking, oil wasting, and prejudice over place and rights has just got to go. And an apocalypse always shows people what is most important in life, and humbles all. I should actually start an apocalypse blog. Then I can chronicle my daily learnings for that outcome... hmm.....
Oh, and I'm watching the apocalypse man on the history channel. Love him!
Amazement
So the wonder of the new age is the social media provided for everyone and their babies.
Seriously, no one would have guessed that 2010 would be overrun by the relationship-crazy, like it is.
That being said, when I've disappeared from a one FB, it is somewhat comforting to come back and find that 3 people I know missed me, 10 people I sort of know, needed me in their lives (to probably conquer a cooking game), and 4 people I do not know at all, want me in their lives.
How artificially loved I feel right now.
Similar to the holodeck in Star Trek, artificial aint bad.
I'm not even going to dwell on the question of why those people who 'needed me' or 'wanted me' in their lives didn't choose to contact me personally. That would just ruin my day.
Seriously, no one would have guessed that 2010 would be overrun by the relationship-crazy, like it is.
That being said, when I've disappeared from a one FB, it is somewhat comforting to come back and find that 3 people I know missed me, 10 people I sort of know, needed me in their lives (to probably conquer a cooking game), and 4 people I do not know at all, want me in their lives.
How artificially loved I feel right now.
Similar to the holodeck in Star Trek, artificial aint bad.
I'm not even going to dwell on the question of why those people who 'needed me' or 'wanted me' in their lives didn't choose to contact me personally. That would just ruin my day.
Empty Day
An empty day occurred. Instead of being social, taking care of business, getting some items checked off my to-do list, I chose to spend the day in bed. I watched random shows and looked up loads of Yoga information.
While the day was empty, it surely wasn't without learning.
I have 5 new yoga terms I will try to remember, Akasha -ether, Amrita -deathless spirit, Ananda -bliss, Anga -limb, Asana -seat/posture.
As well as 5 new Japanese sentences I will try to remember, じがじさん -self praise, おなかがペコペコです。-my tummy is rumbling. よいしょ。-Upsy-daisy. カンニングをしないで！-Don't cheat! 〜とは日本語で何と言いますか。-How do I say ~ in Japanese?
I really feel a lot better after doing "nothing" all day. The hardest part is trying to get back into a productive life...
While the day was empty, it surely wasn't without learning.
I have 5 new yoga terms I will try to remember, Akasha -ether, Amrita -deathless spirit, Ananda -bliss, Anga -limb, Asana -seat/posture.
As well as 5 new Japanese sentences I will try to remember, じがじさん -self praise, おなかがペコペコです。-my tummy is rumbling. よいしょ。-Upsy-daisy. カンニングをしないで！-Don't cheat! 〜とは日本語で何と言いますか。-How do I say ~ in Japanese?
I really feel a lot better after doing "nothing" all day. The hardest part is trying to get back into a productive life...
Confusion
Sometimes I wonder if I am really enjoying this whole "getting to know myself" thing, or if I'm really just running away from "putting myself out there". Especially in the terms of new relationships.
Sure, I'm making loads of friends and have opened my repetoire of activities, but I haven't been making those deep connections with people. In fact, I am still the same person that doesn't like to get close to people.
I'm not sure if I even care yet, but I do mind not having the same goofball feelings as most stories/movies seem to make me think I should have.
Sure, I'm making loads of friends and have opened my repetoire of activities, but I haven't been making those deep connections with people. In fact, I am still the same person that doesn't like to get close to people.
I'm not sure if I even care yet, but I do mind not having the same goofball feelings as most stories/movies seem to make me think I should have.
Friends
18 hours of work in 2 days and a pilates and ashtanga yoga class later, I am wiped out.
I wanted to do nothing more than sit and read a book and/or crochet. But, as I do love my friends, I must oblige them and go out to dinner with those I have not seen in a while, play chess with those who share the passion, and laugh along side those who love me. Oh woe is me and my abundance of loving friends :D
I wanted to do nothing more than sit and read a book and/or crochet. But, as I do love my friends, I must oblige them and go out to dinner with those I have not seen in a while, play chess with those who share the passion, and laugh along side those who love me. Oh woe is me and my abundance of loving friends :D
Wednesday Post
I was listening to the radio today and heard a husband trying to get 'one over' on his wife. The joke was that he had showed another woman a picture of his wife topless, and the other woman was interested in having a threesome. The other woman then called his wife and proceeded to tell the wife how sexy she was and how much she would enjoy being in a threesome with the husband and her. The wife, outraged calls the husband and yells about inadequacies and self consciousness and says "if anything, I'd have a threesome with you and another guy!", which the radio station took at face value and had a guy call the wife to say he had also seen her topless picture and thought she was sexy, thought her husband was sexy, and would love to be in a threesome with them. The woman was against it all and furious.
The thing is, I found it funny, but would I find it funny in my own life?
The ultimate goal is to find life funny, and not be so serious. I should be able to laugh about such events. This will be something I hope to keep in mind for the next year.
The thing is, I found it funny, but would I find it funny in my own life?
The ultimate goal is to find life funny, and not be so serious. I should be able to laugh about such events. This will be something I hope to keep in mind for the next year.
Kundalini
I just finished my first Kundalini Yoga class. How amazing it is. I nearly broke down emotionally while taking the class. The yogi was dead on when she mentioned letting go of relationships that are stressing you out and how breathing and chanting can really open your body up and make it feel lighter, stronger, sturdier. I am in wonderful bliss right now. LeCoEx plus 1!
Inventor, Architect
I figured my life has changed enough in the past 6 months to warrant a retake of the Keirsey Test. If you have no idea what that is, I suggest you broaden your mind, take the test, and be amazed at how explainable you will become. My freshman year in college I had to take this test for a business class I was in. Little did I know I would end up being the only Rational in all 3 of my professor's 50+ business classes. Out of 150 students, I was the only Rational (in fact, I was an Architect type). When you check out the percentages on the website, it makes sense. Rationals are few and far between. As well we should be. It is hard for the common Guardian (majority of people are guardians) to interact with a Rational. Most people are offended by Rationals. To make it worse, Rational women are the most odd, and misunderstood of them all. Although I'd love to wager an Idealist male is probably misunderstood in many ways...
So to sum up my Rational personality:
-"Clever" is the word that perhaps describes ENTPs best.
-Rationals pride themselves on being ingenious, independent, and strong willed.
-Rationals are even-tempered, they trust logic, yearn for achievement, seek knowledge, prize technology, and dream of understanding how the world works.
-They tend to have a perverse sense of humor as well, and enjoy playing devil's advocate.
-Minor setbacks throw ENTPs off course, but major setbacks are regarded as challenges, and tackled with determination.
-ENTPs tend to be oblivious of the rest of humanity
-ENTPs have little patience with those they consider wrongheaded or unintelligent, and show little restraint in demonstrating this.
-They are usually easy-going, seldom critical or carping.
-They are usually very positive and often laugh off anything negative.
-Under Stress, they can withdraw and sleep a lot while their mind deals with the issues.
-ENTPs have strategic imagining intelligence.
-Like other "creatives" (scientists, computer engineers and even writers and designers), you work best when you can deliver your work products--rather than yourself or your process--to others.
While trying to figure out which of the 4 Rationals I am... I am an "Inventor"... I stubmled upon this website ENTP. You will find all of the other types at this website, as well as cute facts (like how Q, from Star Trek, is also an ENTP) and relationship types (me and ESFPs are enigmas).
What is really interesting is that last year I took this quiz, after a 6 year relationship I was in suddenly ended, and I found myself to be an Artisan. I had changed my outlook to match my new life and hopes. And now, while I still believe I am an Artisan, I can see how my Rational side is breaking through again. When I was an Artisan type, I was an ISTP, the Crafter. The difference being my introvertedness was winning out and sensing was higher than my intuition. As it stands. I have been working hard to be extroverted and more intuition ruled ever since I found myself in my current situation.
So now, I am Rational again. This suits me, as currently I am in a state of flux and have more need to latch on to the factual.
In other areas of my life, I have started a new crochet project, for a friend of mine. I am creating a romantic soft tunic for her. And I am going to read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I am going to make supplemental entries as journals to what I've read and how I feel. In a ten-fold way, I am also going to monitor vocab in the book that I do not understand, and will be keeping a journal of that. I have many projects to get started and many ideas to get out of my head. I am constantly scatterbrained.
So to sum up my Rational personality:
-"Clever" is the word that perhaps describes ENTPs best.
-Rationals pride themselves on being ingenious, independent, and strong willed.
-Rationals are even-tempered, they trust logic, yearn for achievement, seek knowledge, prize technology, and dream of understanding how the world works.
-They tend to have a perverse sense of humor as well, and enjoy playing devil's advocate.
-Minor setbacks throw ENTPs off course, but major setbacks are regarded as challenges, and tackled with determination.
-ENTPs tend to be oblivious of the rest of humanity
-ENTPs have little patience with those they consider wrongheaded or unintelligent, and show little restraint in demonstrating this.
-They are usually easy-going, seldom critical or carping.
-They are usually very positive and often laugh off anything negative.
-Under Stress, they can withdraw and sleep a lot while their mind deals with the issues.
-ENTPs have strategic imagining intelligence.
-Like other "creatives" (scientists, computer engineers and even writers and designers), you work best when you can deliver your work products--rather than yourself or your process--to others.
While trying to figure out which of the 4 Rationals I am... I am an "Inventor"... I stubmled upon this website ENTP. You will find all of the other types at this website, as well as cute facts (like how Q, from Star Trek, is also an ENTP) and relationship types (me and ESFPs are enigmas).
What is really interesting is that last year I took this quiz, after a 6 year relationship I was in suddenly ended, and I found myself to be an Artisan. I had changed my outlook to match my new life and hopes. And now, while I still believe I am an Artisan, I can see how my Rational side is breaking through again. When I was an Artisan type, I was an ISTP, the Crafter. The difference being my introvertedness was winning out and sensing was higher than my intuition. As it stands. I have been working hard to be extroverted and more intuition ruled ever since I found myself in my current situation.
So now, I am Rational again. This suits me, as currently I am in a state of flux and have more need to latch on to the factual.
In other areas of my life, I have started a new crochet project, for a friend of mine. I am creating a romantic soft tunic for her. And I am going to read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I am going to make supplemental entries as journals to what I've read and how I feel. In a ten-fold way, I am also going to monitor vocab in the book that I do not understand, and will be keeping a journal of that. I have many projects to get started and many ideas to get out of my head. I am constantly scatterbrained.
"Ideas do not have to be correct in order to be good; its only necessary that, if they do fail, they do so in an interesting way."
Robert Rosen
Details, information about me. [Post 2 and 3]
Please excuse the poor formatting and long post. This is the information I felt I should fill out for a reference of where I am today. Tomorrow's post will be a Temperament outline of me. After a few of these types of posts, I will finally start to update about my daily musings.
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For 2010
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For 2010
Will you be looking for a new job? Yes. I will be looking for a full-time job with benefits. Same company though.
Will you be looking for a new relationship? I have made the promise to myself that I will not be "looking", if it happens, great, if it doesn't happen, that is also good. I need to focus on me and who I am. Going on dates is perfectly acceptable. Fooling around with someone worth my time is acceptable as well. A real relationship just isn't what I need right now. It has taken me 6 months to realize that.
New house? Yes, come July I'll be moving into a new apartment.
What will you do different in 2010? I will focus on me and my aspirations. I will enjoy fulfilling my personal interests. I will be more adventurous and open to new and exciting activities/trips.
New Years resolution? To get to work on time. But there is more to my resolutions than that.
What will you not be doing in 2010? I will not be in a relationship, and I will not be in school. That is a big deal to me!
Any trips planned? Scotland, Boston, Bali, S.Amer by cruise
Wedding plans? hopefully no one I know... besides one girl who it is about damn time her and him tie the knot.
What's on your calendar? Yoga 4 times a week. Work during the week. Shenanigans during the weekends.
What can't you wait for? Moving out of my current place. I live with my ex and his friends. The tension is unreal, but I can handle that. What I cannot handle is sharing a room with someone (even if he wasn't my ex). I have now learned that I never want to share a room with someone again, unless I had an extra room to retreat to and be alone in.
What would you like to see happen different? I would like to see my circle of friends become closer and more tight-knit. I am the type of person with many friends from all walks of life and that is fine most of the times, but every now and then I am bummed when I haven't seen a group of them for a while, or I feel a bit out of the loop when they have closer friends than me.
What about yourself will you be changing? My attitude could always use an adjustment. But mainly I will be changing my lazy habits, like waking up late for work, being late to meetings, events, not organizing and cleaning my room when I need to. A lot of my life could be improved with just some simple changes.
What happened in '09 that you didn't think would ever happen? I moved in with my boyfriend (not a long term relationship) and it didn't work out. I hadn't the intention of staying with him forever, but I also didn't think the relationship would end while we lived together. I chose to live with him to find an easy, quick solution to a housing problem I had, but the quick and easy solution is often times not the best. I also think that I expected more out him as a person, and he cannot be that way because he is not old enough to understand common courtesy yet. (I am older than him). The issue here is that I figured, even if we broke up, that we would still be able to be friends. Not true.
Will you be nicer to the people you care about? Yes. I am already nice to them if I care about them, but I'm sure I could always do more... more to the point of this question, I am choosing to be nicer to old friends. I hope to rebuild those relationships for the future.
Will you dress differently this year than you did in 09? of course. I am always changing my style, just as styles change. I am choosing a more vibrant, post-apocalyptic, 80's, airy style. I will probably have to include pictures to better describe this, but this is how I feel on the inside, and I am always looking to portray myself through clothes.
Are you going to be in school in 2010? NO!!!!! Finally! I have graduated and moved on. I am so happy to be done with my undergraduate years. It was a big weight lifted off my shoulders when I found out that I did indeed graduate (I took an extra semester... so I found out last year that I did not get to graduate), and now they cannot take that away from me. SOOOOO RELIEVED! Now, after saying that, I do intend to go on to a graduate degree program in a couple of years, and I am always challenging myself to learn.
How will you make more money in 2010? I hope so, my company is at a stand still because of the economy and so even though it is clear I should be paid more and have put in more responsibility, the title and money are just not available yet. I am looking to see just what is available to me and I will make my decisions when I get the opportunity. I am loving my company though and am happy to be where I am currently.
Will you do charity work? I always do. I will look to my lovely sisters in my service soror to help me find opportunities in the future; now that I am out of school, the knowledge of those opps are not as easy to find for me.
Are you going to drink on New Years Eve? I definitely did. It was a great time.
Will you be nice to people you don't know? In the new year or just on new years eve? XP I believe it isn't as much being nice to people I don't know, as not assuming I know them before I really do. My problem in the past has been that I judge people based on their looks ("Oh they look like a smart person, too smart for me to say hi" or "They look stuck up, why would I want to meet them anyways?") I need to get past the superficial. Ya know, I need to do that in a lot of areas of my life.
Do you expect 2010 to be a worse year for you than 2009? Hell no. 2009 and that decade was a lot of trouble. I was growing into who I am now, and for me that was a great learning experience. But I am done with learning about others, I want to learn about myself and what I want. What makes me happy, what motivates me?
How much did you change from this time last year til now? If I had to put a number on it, I would say my life was 80% complete in a childish way. Now I am 50% complete in an adult way. I am much happier at my 50% of adulthood, than I was in my 80% of childhood. I am learning more about me and my ideals which will help me. I am finding myself to be more important than I ever knew. I have always been independent, but now I am seeing people actually believe me and not notice the independence, but notice me.
Do you plan on having a child? Hell no. Probably not for another 10-15 years.
Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now? Some. I hope to stay friends with those that are closest to me. I hope to have built stronger relationships with those who I have reconnected with recently.
Major lifestyle changes? Many. I am single, and happy about it. I am a working woman. I am a crafty person. I am a more organized person. I am a more outgoing person. I have said yes more times than no- giving me awesome opportunities for adventures.
What will you make sure doesn't happen in 2010 that happened in 09? Me, living with a boyfriend. I will also go as far as to say, me with a boyfriend. I will not allow myself to let that happen again. There is no need for me to be tied down and I should not let those feelings take over my life again.
What are your New Years Eve plans? I had people over at my place, we dressed up in my prom dresses, togas, wigs, and played champagne twister.
Will you have someone to kiss at midnight? Ya know, I didn't even think about this tradition this year. I was having way too much fun with my friends to even consider grabbing a guy to kiss. Although this has been a big deal for me in the past, it is nice to know it wasn't a big deal this past time.
Wishes for 2009? To be stronger emotionally, sometimes I cry at happy moments.... I don't like crying. To be wanted more, I feel as though right now, no one wants me around that much. I feel needed by some, but the wanting is a far better feeling. To be more in tune with myself, I feel as though I do not know who I am, what makes me passionate and what makes me liberated.
Would you do meth if it was legalized? no.
Abortion: for or against it? Pro
Do you think the world would fail with a female president? Hell no.
Do you believe in the death penalty? Yes
Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already? Yes
Do you believe in God? no.
Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized? Yes
Do you think it's wrong that so many Hispanics are illegally moving to the country? Yes
A twelve year old girl has a baby, should she keep it? no.
Should the alcohol age be lowered to eighteen? not a big issue, I'll say no
Should the war in Iraq be called off? Yes.
Assisted suicide is illegal: do you agree? No.
Do you believe in spanking children? Yes.
Would you burn an American flag for a million dollars? The flag is just a symbol, it has no power unless there are people who believe in it. If I was given the chance, I would make the money. The American flag can be duplicated and recreated. Because I would not be burning the only one, I would go ahead and do it.
Who do you think would be a better president: McCain or Obama? I voted for Obama.
Do you think Obama will be killed? I was very worried when he walked his inauguration. I do not think much will happen after his first year. His 5th year will be another nail biting situation.
Should child predators be forced to wear signs identifying themselves? I don't think we should let them back into society if we believe they have not been cured and may recommit their crimes.
Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers? Without judgment we would have no opinions. I welcome differing opinions in a comfortable setting where all ears are open.
Are your parents married or divorced? married (not either of their first marriages).
Are you a vegetarian? no. I like meat.
Do you believe in Heaven? no
Do you wear makeup? sometimes
Would you ever have plastic surgery? Yes. For my eyes.
Do you believe in Abortions? Yes
What is your Hair color? Blonde
Do you smoke? no
If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be? The top secret fortresses of US and other countries
If you won the lottery, what would you do first? Put half of the winnings in my savings account
Gold or silver? depends, but mostly silver.
Hamburger or hot dog? right now, hot dog
If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? pickles
City, beach or country? sub-city
Whens the last time you cried? a couple weeks ago maybe, at some movie that was heart wrenching cutesy, I tend to cry when I feel overwhelming happiness.
Do you read blogs? None right now, I used to religiously follow this canadian artist's blog.
Do you talk in your sleep? No, but I do cough, and occasionally hum.
Ocean or pool? Ocean
Whats your favorite song at the moment If I could change the world by Eric Clapton
Window seat or aisle seats? Window seats
Do you feel that you have had a truly successful life? In the grand scheme of things, no. But with what I have done, it has been pretty successful.
What is your fav. sport to play? Golf and tennis
Basketball or football? football
Cake or ice cream? sorbet/sherbert, ice, icecream
Are you self-conscious? sometimes
Have you ever given money to a bum? yes
Have you been in love? yes
Where do you wish you were? traveling
Last gift you received? a teapot
What occasion did you recieve your gift? Christmas
Last thing you spent lots of money on? Yoga training
Favorite restaurant? tea cafes
What is your favorite kind of car? Nissan or VW
Most hated food(s) bland and dry
Most loved food(s)? spicy and green (healthy)
Whats your least fav. chores? dusting, sweeping. I know a funny joke about this question. Get a group of people together and go around in a circle asking this question. Add on the 'why' you dislike the chore. Then when everyone has said their peace give them the twist to the question. The twist is... your answer actually pertains to your view about sex. So if someone said they hated sweeping because there is always more you can sweep, then they hate sex because there is always more sex to be had.
Favorite drink? margaritas. tea.
1. What is more difficult: looking into someones eyes when telling how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they tell you how they feel? When I'm being told how someone else feels. I have no reservations about my own feelings. I do not believe others really know how they feel.
2. Think of the last time you were angry. Why were you angry? Because someone did not listen to my advice, even though they had asked for it. It seemed more like they wanted my opinion in order to ignore it.
3. You will die in three minutes. Last call? Mom and Dad.
4. If you could do anything OR wish anything, what would it be? To be able to travel for the rest of my life.
5. You can have one of the following two things: trust or love. trust. You cannot have love without trust.
6. You are walking to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss told you if you are late one more time youre fired. Do you save the dog? Yes. Just because I have been a slacker in the past and have brought my own misfortunes to my life does not mean I can neglect the life of a dog or anyone else.
7. Would you or have you ever blackmailed someone? It is hard to remember my younger years, but I think I did. I think it was in self defense though, they were trying to blackmail me somehow. Hard to remember the details. Nothing came from any of it.
8. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life. Do you do it? The only person I know who died was my family pet, and I would not give a year of my life so that my old pet could come back to a painful life for another hour. He died when he had to and he lived a wonderful life.
9. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend? I need people who are not like me. I tend to disappear for a couple weeks. And if I had a friend that did that to me, then we probably wouldn't ever find the time to see each other. I need friends who are constantly around, or else the friendship is not that strong.
10. Does sex=love? no
11. Are you old fashioned? Hell no.
12. Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex? If I loved them, they could do other wonderful things for me.
13. What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back? That I do not love them back.
14. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? The internet.
15. Romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them? almost a year ago. I'm sure it was just infatuation.
16. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, if you HAD to, even if you have "no regrets" what would you change? I would try to have been more aware of the world and my surroundings when I was younger. My world wasn't so much sheltered as I was not ambitious enough to learn about more of it. I used to think the next town over was hours away. I used to think pop culture was stupid and pointless.
17. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you? A cat.
18. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? I do not know CPR. I would immediately call 911 and scream for help.
19. You are holding onto your grandmother's dying hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other which one would it be? Grandma of course. And I'm pretty sure that all old people feel this way. They have lived their life, the idea of a new life is much more rewarding than the memories of a lived life. More will be changed by that newborn living, rather than my dying grandmother.
20. When and how was the last time you told someone how you REALLY feel? A couple of days ago, to a friend of mine who was enjoying some sci-fi I loved, and thought she would never love.
If You had three months to live:
21. Do you tell anyone or everyone you are going to die? Everyone. I think it would be interesting to see how they treat me after they find out. And of course I would tell my loved ones.
22. What do you do with your remaining days? Finish my bucket list
23. Would you be afraid? I would be afraid the closer I got to the end.
If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you do it? yes
If you could shorten your life expectancy by 10 years to becopme more attractive, would you do it? yes, why should I live to be 100? anything over 80 is pushing it.
What was your favorite bedtime story as a child? The brave little toaster, where the wild things are
You're walking down the street, you come across a burning building. A woman says her baby is trapped inside, what would you do? be amazed. Did she call the police? Why doesn't she try to save her own baby? Sure I'll help if I can, but its her damn baby, you'd think she would try her best to save it.
If you could choose the future profession of your son or daughter, would you? Nowadays people live through 3 professions (at the least), I would not feel bad about making them start at a certain profession.
What was your best experience on drugs or alcohol? Alcohol has brought many funny experiences and memories.
What was your worst experience on drugs or alcohol? The bad experience always happens AFTER I was on the alcohol. Never while I'm ON it.
As your walking down the street you find a suitcase full of money sitting next to a parked car, would you take it? If the street seemed deserted and the suitcase looked like it had been there a while, or the car looked busted. Otherwise I may be picking that suitcase up while the owner comes back and that would be awkward.
If you found that a close friend has AIDS, would you still hang out with them? Of course I would. I would be a bit scared though, so I would want to read up on the dangers and issues they may go through.
In front of you are 10 pistols, 5 of which are loaded. If you survive you'd receive 100 million dollars. Would you be willing to place 1 to your head and pull the trigger? no
How old were you when you lost your virginity? 16 or 17
Do you believe in ghosts, werewolves or vampires? no, no, no
If you could live forever, would you want to? if I could live forever in a healthy state.
If they were to televise a live execution, would you watch it? 'they' who? Probably not, there is no justice in public executions. Only vengence and hate.
If you could be the president of the USA, would you be willing to do it? Not at this point in my life.
If you could choose the sex of your unborn child, would you want to? No. I'm sure I'd suck at raising either sex.
Would you rather live longer or be wealthy? Wealthy. Living long does not appeal to me, dementia, brittle bones, nothing sounds good about that.
How many books do you digest daily? daily?! None. I am working daily on many books. I have probably 3 active books right now. 5 or 6 inactive.
How old will you be when the world ends? apparently 24.
Do ghosts exist, and if yes, where? I don't believe in them, but if I had to explain my idea about ghosts, it would be that energy is lingering.
Which is worse: dating an ex-boyfriend you hate or murder? Umm... MURDER. I could always get out of dating someone I dislike. But murder lasts forever.
Do you like to dance? yes
Have you ever kissed a persn of the same sex? not yet
When was your last kiss? Who was it with? Halloween, with a fireman
When was the last time you were totaly wasted? New years probably... although i'm not sure i ever get totally wasted.
Do you have any sex toys stashed away? yes
What color underwear are you wearing? blue and white striped boy cut
Would you ever have sex with a minor just because they were hot? I'm sure for women it is an easier thing to do. And no. I do not enjoy younger males. They are stupid.
What is your favorite cartoon? Lovcom
If you're happy, the song you find yourself loving is? Dear Prudence by The Beatles or The Way I am by Ingrid Michaelson
If you're thinking about that special person, that song is? I want to hold your hand by The Beatles or
If you're totally pissed off, the song is? Keep Breathing by Ingrid Michaelson or My Ding-a-ling by Chuck Berry
If you're getting ready to go out, that song is? Shake Your Groove Thing by Peaches and Herb
If you're trying to learn about yourself, that song is? If I Could Change the World by Eric Clapton
Your favorite movie song? Little Wonders by Rob Thomas
If you're feeling let down, that song is? Let it Be by The Beatles
If you are feeling like you want to just mellow out, that song is? Up on the Roof by ???
What Comes to Mind
Peace Sign: Jewelry
Heart: lollipops
Lollipop: coincidence
Tree: paper
Beaches: chairs
Music: notes
Cell Phone: charms
Smiles: faces
Coffee: aromas
Friends: laughs
Top Movies
Thriller: Paranormal Activity
Chick Flick: The Jane Austen Book Club or Tristan and Isolde
Action: Bond movies or Star Trek
Comedy: The Fifth Element
Disney: Meet The Robinsons
SciFi: Stargate
Horror: Nightmare on Elm Street
What bill do you hate paying the most? Cell
Where's the best place to eat a romantic dinner? At home
Last time you puked from drinking? Last September
When is the last time you got drunk and danced on a bar? everytime
Name of your first grade teacher? That is an excellent question
What do you really want to be doing right now? sleeping
What did you want to be when you were growing up? an astronaut
How many colleges did you attend? just one so far
Why did you wear the shirt that you have on right now? it is comfy and reminds me of my younger years
GAS PRICES First thought? I can talk about my age in gas price differences
First thought when the alarm went off this morning? I had a weird dream about... and then I couldn't quite explain my own dream.
Last thought before going to sleep last night? I should probably go to my bed... but instead I slept out on the couch with a friend on the other couch. impromptu sleep over happened.
Favorite style of underwear for the opposite sex? boxer briefs
If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer at an art gallery? Sure
Get up early or sleep in? sleep in for my sanity, but get up early to feel useful.
Are you planning on remaining in your current field? For a bit, not forever
Do you see yourself married in the next five years? No
Your favorite lunch meat? ham
What do you get every time you go into a WalMart? food
Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual? No, but I think the ideas about marriage are outdated.
TV show you miss? Veritas and Star Trek
Favorite guilty pleasure? Impromptu travels
Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about? Digimon
Cops or Robbers? Robbers!
Do you cheer for the bad guy in a movie? Never
What do you want when you are sick? Spaghettios
Have you ever had to use a firearm? not had to, but have
Last book you read? Dragonflight
DO YOU HAVE A TEDDY BEAR? not anymore
Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go? San Francisco
Number of texts in a day? I am not a texter, it is an overpriced, obsolete function
If you had to choose- would you start a new career or relationship? A new career. I do not wish to add a relationship mess to my life right now.
Favorite Winter Olympic Sport? Figure Skating and snowboarding
Pencil or pen? pen, it is more fluid and permanent
Ancient Egyptians or Mayans? egyptians
How many jobs have you had? 6
Are you where you thought you would be at this age? Not at all. And I'm enjoying every second of this new life I never knew I had!
Are you an adult? yes
How old do you feel? older than I am
Do kids call you mr/miss/mrs? I've gotten ma'am before... that was odd.
Did you graduate high school? yes
Did you go to college? yes
If so, what is/was your major? Computer Science
Did your parents go to college? no
Have you been back to your high school since you graduated? once or twice a long time ago.
Do you still keep in touch with school friends? two maybe
Have you been to a school reunion? no
Do you plan to attend a school reunion? no
Are you single/dating/married/divorced? single
Do you have children? no
Are you happy with the carreer field you have choosen? Very much so
Are you satisfied with your income? not at all. but it is sufficient for the next couple of months
Do you hang out with your co-workers? yes, all the time, it is a surprising turn of events for me
How many hours do you work per week? 35
Do you rent or own a home? rent
Is your home big enough? not at the moment
Do you throw parties often? more than I thought i ever would
Do you want to move? yes
What do you do for fun? crochet/knit/read
Do you believe in:
Ghosts? no
Heaven? no
God? no
Satan? no
Hell? no
Love? yes, for a time being
Love at first sight? its not real love
Witchcraft? i believe in the power of suggestion
Santa? no
The Easter Bunny? no
Faries? sure
Extra Terrestrials? yes
An afterlife? something happens to our energy, but I do not believe we are thoughtful in an afterlife.
What's your stand on:
Abortion? pro
Fat people? need to be retaught
Lables? stupid
Trendy diets? stupid
Children? not for me
Gay people? misunderstood
Gay marriage? pro
Racism? will always exist
Suicide? a personal decision
Death penalty? pro
Lemonade stands? i had one when i was young, what about them?
What do you know about:
Catholics? fake religious
Christians? overly religious
Jewish People? nice and smart
Hinduism? open to love
Buddhists? thoughtful religious
Muslims? strict existence
Wiccan? attention seeking
Athiests? don't care
Agnostics? don't know
The Rest apparently aren't important for their own names.
Is the rest of your family the same religion as you? no
Do you celebrate Christmas? yes
Do you celebrate Easter? yes
Do you celebrate any other Christian holidays? sure, but only in the capitalist ways
Do you go to church? no
Does your family go to church without you? my mother might occasionally.
If so, why don't you go? I dont get pushed into appeasing others.
WOULD YOU RATHER?
1. Pierce your nose or tongue? nose
2. Be serious or be funny? funny
4. Die in a fire or drown? fire
5. Spend time with your parents or enemies? parents
DO YOU PREFER. .
1. Flowers or candy? flowers now
2. Gray or black? either
3. Color or Black and white photos? vibrant colors
4. Lust or love? lust
5. Sunrise or sunset? sunrise
6. M&Ms or Skittles? m&ms
7. Staying up late or waking up early? staying up late
8. Sun or moon? Both, I love the warmth of the sun, but the moon has always been my favorite companion
9. Winter or Fall? Fall
10. 10 acquaintances or having two best friends? 2 best friends
11. Sun or rain? sun
12. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? vanilla
UNIQUE!
1. Nervous Habits: touching my lips
2. Are you double jointed? no
3. Can you roll your tongue? somewhat
4. Can you raise one eyebrow? yes
5. Can you cross your eyes? no
6. Do you make your bed daily? no
8. Which shoe goes on first? I've never thought about it, does it matter?
9. Ever thrown one at someone? yes
11. What jewelry do you wear? one ring and one necklace always. Maybe two sets of earrings if I'm feeling festive
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